Clear Truths in Quiet Seasons

2025 has carried some of the most isolating seasons of my adult life - moments that stretched me, and continue to stretch me, personally and professionally in ways I never anticipated. I am learning what it means to stand alone differently, and if I’m honest, it’s uncomfortable. It’s quiet. It asks more of me than I ever imagined I had to give. Yet within that stillness, I’m rediscovering something steady and undeniable: I can rely on myself.

We don’t talk enough about the journey back to yourself after chasing the “dream job,” the polished vision of motherhood, the weight of being the “good eldest daughter,” the dependable big sister, or the partner you believed you were supposed to be. There is a real grief in realizing that some roles don’t hold you the way you hoped they would, but there is also a deep freedom in loosening your grip on expectations that were never meant to define you.

Being back here feels different. Grounded. Familiar in a way I didn’t recognize at first. It's like returning to a home that was never a physical place, but a version of me I had quietly been searching for all along.

I was always that girl. Even in rooms where I wasn’t fully seen. Even in seasons that tried to convince me otherwise.

I am strong.

I am brilliant.

And it is never too late to fight for yourself. 

Second Year & "Potential Space"

Happy Sunday folks. Hope you all are keeping cool. I got off work this morning and it was already 80 degrees! Whew!

My days as a second year resident are numbered. The past few weeks have been pleasantly reflective and introspective for me. It doesn't help that the SICU life has me all in my emotions (in addition to the old school Aretha and Carole King blasting through my house right now).

But on a happier note, I think one of the biggest accomplishments of second year was not only learning SO MUCH and feeling more like I was not only effective and thriving at work, but also making it work for us at home. Work-life "balance" is unrealistic, but work-life INTEGRATION sure is something to shoot for...

A wise mama-doc that I work with is my role model when it comes to having her life in order and getting stuff done. I remember during intern year when I asked her how she managed to not only be a mom to a new baby, be a kick butt doctor, but also simultaneously bring baked goods to rounds, she shrugged and said, "time is a potential space". Meanwhile, I was just trying to make sure I kept my life afloat...

I loved the idea that time is what we make of it, and it has stuck with me throughout my whole second year of residency. I would like to think that I have stepped my game up over this past year (for us, residents, the "new year" starts in July) by taking that to heart - both in my personal and professional life...

I drive and listen to educational/journal lectures. 

I exercise and read, or catch up on emails, or current events, etc. 

I have cut back on social media browsing and used the time to blog, write, reflect, do something to add value to me and my life.

I go to work and find unique ways to let my babies know I am thinking of them and loving them. 

I savor and make the most of my post-call days when it came to my personal health (dentist, hair appointments, nails - haha don't judge me)

Right now, I may or may not be cooking spaghetti and blogging at the time :-) I can't remember the last time I actually cooked dinner, but that's besides the point... #WomenWithHusbandsWhoCook #Blessed

I think multitasking goes beyond work hours. Very few of us hold only one or two roles in life, and whether it's two roles or ten, we want to do them well and feel like we are being effective.

I took my last 24 hour call as a second year yesterday :fist pump:

I remember when I was just halfway done with medical school and now I am halfway done with residency. Time waits for no one, ya'll so make sure you spend it doing something you want to do...

Have a good night! Time for some spaghetti :-D

And this concludes my last 24hr call of 2nd year ✌#residencymilestones

A photo posted by Jasmine (@mrsmommymd) on Jun 12, 2016 at 5:28am PDT

On Staying Positive...

Happy Hump Day!

I am in the last two weeks of my REI rotation - which is a 40-hour work-week heaven. This has been one of my favorite rotations of the year, not only because I have been able to be present at home in all the ways that I want to be, but I have learned a TON and really enjoy the day-to-day of REI. 

My next rotation is Nights. I am trying to keep a positive attitude but the truth is I am kind of bummed about not seeing my family for basically four days in a row, for the next four weeks. I keep hearing Isabelle's little voice when I pick her up from school, "Mommy, I waited for you" and "Mommy, I'm so glad you're here." Moments like that make my heart so so full, but also make me want to shed a tear.

I've already started stressing about how Nights turns into SICU (5AM-5PM), and SICU turns into heading back to Wake (24 hour call every 3 days). I know this craziness will eventually pass, but it doesn't make it any easier to get through.

So this is one of those moments when it can be a challenge to stay positive.

One of those seemingly unfair seasons when work time surpasses time with my family.

One of those moments when I have to take my own advice and walk in the faith that has gotten me through this fogginess before.

I've made it my mission to enjoy my last two weeks of 40-hour work-week bliss. I'm so thankful to have had such a great rotation, professionally and personally. I feel so blessed to be doing what I love, no matter how difficult this working mommy life gets.

Thinking about the events of the next four months just seems exhausting so I will just take it one. day. at. a. time. And hug my babies extra tight.

What do you all do to stay positive? How do you deal with those stressful seasons in your life? Would love to hear about it in the comments :-)

Checking In & Working Motherhood Podcast

Hey guys!

I feel like after Match Day I disappeared! I promise I will have lots and lots and LOTS of updates for you all next week.

In the meantime, recently I had the honor of being interviewed for a new podcast series called Working Motherhood.

"Working Motherhood is a daily podcast, hosted by Dr. Portia Jackson, interviewing today’s most successful and inspiring working moms. The Working Motherhood includes everyone from CEOs, teachers, entrepreneurs, real estate investors, cashiers.. basically any mom that produces income. Balancing a career and motherhood involves a lot and Working Motherhood is your daily source of inspiration and encouragement to be the best working mom that you can be! Working Motherhood is all about inspiring millions of women to have fun and be fulfilled in all roles of their lives." - Working Motherhood 

Today, my interview went live! Please go check out my conversation with Dr. Portia Jackson - an amazing wife, mother, aerospace engineer (doctorate, ya'll), fellow Michigan alum, and soror - about the constant balance of motherhood, home life, and career.

Yes, 30-minute podcasts that we can listen to in the car, while we exercise, during kids' nap times, to help give moms tips about navigating all of our responsibilities...and they are FREE. It's genius and you will not be disappointed.

Talk to you all soon!

xoxo

My Must-Have List for Keeping Our Family Organized

Things have picked up quite a bit this week. And honestly, it isn't school that picked up...just the fact that now there are four of us to coordinate and we all have a lot going on - okay, the baby has a only few things going on, but still. Here are some of the resourses that have proven invaluable as we move back into the daily hustle:

1. A Multi-User Calendar

I absolutely love my iCal since it syncs between my phone and my Mac. However, when the hubby switched over to Droid, we needed to find something that was compatible with both systems. I have to give him credit for finding this one:


Cozi is an online family hub complete with calendar, message center, shared To Do lists, grocery lists, meal planner, and Journal. You can use it on your computer or through the app. There are very few apps that we actually get the full version of, and after using the grocery list feature of the lite version (which is awesome because I don't have to text the hubby while I'm walking in the store asking about things he wants me to grab), we decided that the $29.99/year fee was worth it - there is also a free 14-day trial of the full version that you can test out if you don't want to commit right away.

If you are a more traditional pen-and-paper type person (I can be this too), I found an awesomely simple monthly calendar template that you can hole punch into a binder. It has been helpful for me in giving our nanny her schedule for the month. She loves having her hours ahead of time, and I love giving them ahead of time so I don't have to worry that I forgot to tell her when to show up. Everyone wins :-)

2. A Budget

I have been a Mint user since college. I'm not sure if you could really say I was "using" it because I had nan-budget in college. But I did have an account...LOL Anyway, as we pay bills, work down our student loan debt, and build our savings, this is an awesome website and phone app to keep everything straight all in one place.

3. A Baby Log

Another quick Google search find. If you are a tad bit OCD meticulous like me, this has been great for making sure the baby is eating, sleeping, and potty-ing without any problems while you are away. They do this at daycares, so why not for when your baby is kept in the home too...

4. An "Everything" Folder

Since college, I have always carried with me one durable folder/binder for all miscellaneous paperwork, mail, hardcopy To Do lists, etc. That way, if I have down time or am running errands, I don't get mad that I left something at home that needs to be turned in/faxed/etc.

5. A Cute Bag

Okay, the cute part isn't a must-have, but it doesn't hurt to tote all the millions of things you have to carry in something that looks good... I'm still in love with this one and am trying to convince myself I don't need to get it right now... sigh.

What have you all been using to stay organized? I'm always looking for new ideas!

The Working {Outside the Home} Mom War Rages on...

**Made a few addendums to this post because I don't want you to think that I feel mom's who stay at home aren't working too. Definitely not the case. But this research was focused on the children of mothers who worked outside of the home, compared to those whose mothers remained home with them. Ok, carry on.** 

During exam weeks I always have a HUGE case of Mommy Guilt.

I would only see my child for maybe two hours a day - getting him ready and taking him to school in the morning. I know he misses me, but I always wonder if he is angry that I am gone all the time, or thinks that I would rather be at school instead of at home with him. The thought of this makes me want to cry.

WebMD ran an article back in July basically saying, "rest assured Moms, your kids won't have any major behavior problems because you work outside the home." You can read the article on the study done by the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health in it's entirety here.

It never even crossed my mind that Nate could have long-term behavior problems because of my absence. My mom worked out of the home up until my youngest brother was born and then she stayed home, so I got both experiences and I think we all turned out fine - in fact, quite excellent haha...

Even though we working {outside the home} moms continue to tell ourselves that working outside the home isn't short-changing our child, it was a refreshing change to hear someone else saying it. A completely different message than the New York Times article in which one mother and physician slaps us with the notion that we can't have it all.

The article asserts something that is kind of common sense - that a big part of your child's success is taking the time to find a good caregiver...Oh ok.


But it concludes with this:

In fact, "parents who do the best job are the ones who have interests outside of children, and working is certainly one of these interests," she says. "If you need to work or want to work, guilt is a wasted emotion."

I think that point is HUGE. Whether you work outside the home or not, moms need to have a life/identity outside of their children. This ensures that they are fulfilled and happy. And a happy mom is a better mom for her kids.


Moms, did you read this article? What do you think? Should we even still be talking about this, let alone doing/funding research on it?

Coping with the Morning Rush...Again.

So in one of my last non-weekly-themed post, I was talking about the summer program that I am coordinating this summer (Camp M.D. through the office of Diversity Affairs).

Well, the first week wasn't too stressful, I was able to get to my class by 7:30AM each morning, with coffee, and time to get organized before my students arrived for the 8:30AM start.

Now it is week two, my little pumpkin is back from his grandma's and back to daycare. His adjustment to school after a two month break wasn't so bad, but Mommy is having a hard time adjusting to the morning rush of getting he and I ready (note: this summer and oncoming school year, I actually am trying to put a little more daily effort into my appearance too). Although it has been a struggle, I have been able to get us out the door between 7/7:15. Today was our personal best!

By the evenings, I am EXHAUSTED! I planned so many things for my afternoons - working out, getting ahead for class the next day, making phenomenal dinners (I did manage to make some bomb.com ziti and enchiladas this week), etc. Which makes me wonder if "taking the whole summer off" to chill was the best idea, because my M2 year is said to be even worse than M1...eek

This week in camp we:

• taught the students how to take a complete medical history
• talked with the dean of admissions for IU School of Medicine
• discussed health disparities (my favorite issue to drop knowledge on...)
• took them on a college visit (to the undergrad campus our school sits on)
• went over the application process for undergraduate and medical school
• talked with the director of pharmacy for IU Health Systems and toured the hospital pharmacy hub
• learned about STI research
• talked with the School of Public Health
• toured the School of Nursing, and got more information on their program
• taught the students how to take basic vitals and let them talk to medical students of all years about their experiences

Also, on Monday, everyone was out shadowing doctors all over Indianapolis. I was so excited by the overall response of the students, and so thankful for all of the physicians willing to spend time with them :-D

How do all of you get back into the morning rush routine after a break from it? How do you help your kids transition again?

Photo Credit.

So What If We Want It All?...

In an editorial written for the New York Times entitled "Don't Quit This Day Job", a mother of four and full-time anesthesiologist discusses if the choice to work as a part time physician should be acceptable when we are not only in the midst of a healthcare crisis and physician shortage, but also because doctor's are supposed to be committed to the well being of their patients above all.

You can read the article for yourself, but the last few paragraphs were the most thought provoking to me:

"Students who aspire to go to medical school should think about the consequences if they decide to work part time or leave clinical medicine. It’s fair to ask them — women especially — to consider the conflicting demands that medicine and parenthood make before they accept (and deny to others) sought-after positions in medical school and residency. They must understand that medical education is a privilege, not an entitlement, and it confers a real moral obligation to serve...

You can’t have it all. I never took cupcakes to my children’s homerooms or drove carpool, but I read a lot of bedtime stories and made it to soccer games and school plays. I’ve ridden roller coasters with my son, danced at my oldest daughter’s wedding and rocked my first grandson to sleep. Along the way, I’ve worked full days and many nights, and brought a lot of very sick patients through long, difficult operations.

Patients need doctors to take care of them. Medicine shouldn’t be a part-time interest to be set aside if it becomes inconvenient; it deserves to be a life’s work."

Interesting, huh?

I know that my medical education is a privilege - this is the girl that got 15 rejections the first time around. And I, by no means, feel that a medical education is an "entitlement", but I don't think it is unreasonable for a woman to "have it all" according to what she decides that is. Yes, many mothers in the medical field choose to work part time, but I do not think that it is a reflection of their commitment, or lack there of, to the medical field and their patients. Male physicians may work on average more hours per week than females, but is that necessarily a good thing? Let's follow them home. How are their marriages? How are their relationships with their children? (Not to say that there aren't good husbands and fathers who are full time doctors, but this surgeon's kid is just curious about getting the whole story.)

Regardless of who you are and what your profession is, when you are happy, you do the best job you possibly can. I have told many people that ask me about specialties I'm interested in that I want more children eventually, I want to be "room mom", drive carpools to field trips, sit on PTA, etc. And I feel like I will be a better doctor for my patients if I am satisfied with how I am preforming as a wife and mother. Maybe it can be attained while working full time, but if not, I am so grateful to have the choice to decide what that means to me - and I think everyone should be able to make that choice guilt-free and without having their character questioned.

What do you think of Dr. Sibert's article?

Photo Credit