Diagnosis: Burnout

The medical student population is filled with people who would be considered the overachieving prototype. The simple fact that one is in medical school means that in order to get there, at some point they took more classes beyond what was require by their major, may have participated in some type of research (some even published), shadowed doctors during their own school vacations, and/or volunteered for hundreds of hours in their community or abroad...

Yes, on paper it all sounds amazing, but how does it translate once you have matriculated into medical school and you are in the middle of an exam block? It usually means:
- Spending 12-18 hours at school everyday for a week straight.
- Letting your home remain in shambles because you don't have time to waste cleaning it up
- Eating junk food everyday (fast food sometimes multiple times a day, because vending machines and only the 24hr fast food places are open during the lonely hours you stay up studying).
- Not working out (or doing whatever you usually do to relieve stress) because there isn't enough time - I've tried reading or running through flash cards while on the elliptical...just makes you motion sick
- Not going to sleep hoping to soak in as much knowledge as you can during every waking moment, then when you finally stop to sleep, dreaming of yourself running same information in your head...

Then when the exams are finally over, you are one high-strung and sleep-deprived blob.

The relief that I feel after taking a block of exams equates to how I felt at the end of the semester when I finished final exams in undergrad at Michigan. But in medical school it's not finals, and you have to do that again 3 or 4 times before the semester is over.

EX-HAUS-TING...

And right now I feel like I am going through a dry spell. I am just plain burnt out. In fact, as I was writing this post, my dentist's office called to see if I knew I had an appointment at 2:50 today. It's 3:00. And not only did I write this appointment down in my iCal, planner, and tell the hubby about it last night, I mentioned it to my mom this morning on my way to class :sigh:

"Burnout (n.): a state of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion — the experience of long-term exhaustion and diminished interest"

Yep...that's it. I feel like my intensity is lacking. Yes, I attend class, but I don't pay attention. Yes, I study, but it's not nearly as dedicated as I was last semester. Now, instead of coming home when everyone is already in bed, I usually just stay home all day. I look at my notes AND watch TV. I stop to play with my toddler...frequently. And I definitely don't stay up any later than I have to.



I called my mom to complain about this on the way to my exam this morning (this was before I told her about today's dentist appointment...), and before I could get a word out, she starts sharing about how T.D. Jakes was "on-point" today. She says that he said our faith is growing even WHILE we are going through something hard and challenging just by the sheer fact that we choose to keep going. That God allows us to go through rough times in life so that we can appreciate when He brings us out of the storm and into our destiny. Well, there's no denying that that Word was meant for this girl...

I have loooong way to go before I'm done with school + residency, but I know I am walking in my destiny, so I need to get my act together. More on this later...

Makeover!!!

I finally got my blog custom designed!!!

Monica Bucanelli is the talented illustrator behind my new "character".

Danielle Moss (formerly known as the Design Girl) put everything together for me. She is amazingly super talented, and is behind most of the blogs that I love to follow...

Check her out at: http://www.danielle-moss.com/

I feel so legit now...

What do you guys think?

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This is by far the highlight of my day, which has been filled with the seemingly endless memorization of pulmonary and GI system notes...

Ok, back to studying...

Working on My Fitness...

Welp, our bathroom scale informed me that it's time to get serious about my diet again :-/

Did you know that a region in the hypothalamus is what tells our bodies that we are hungry (via ghrelin) or satisfied (via leptin - wish I could get a safe dietary supplement of that somewhere lol)? I currently feel like my hunger center is on overload. I absolutely love to eat, so as a result, I cannot stand dieting. Like even the though of it makes me irritable and hungry...School makes things no easier. The stress in general makes you want to eat. Plus, staying up late means that inevitably you will get that "fourth meal" hunger pang. And, unless I want to tote around Lean Cuisines for lunch, and late dinners everyday, plus an abundance of healthy, low-calorie snacks, I am left to the devices of a 24hr McDonalds next door, or the cafeteria with a delightful days such as: made-to-order pasta bar or taco salad, and HUGE & DELICIOUS chocolate chip cookies served daily...yum

Needless to say, my caloric intake much exceeds my expenditure... :sigh:

Over the past months I have moved further and further away from how I looked at our wedding (which is by far one of my best "weights")... I need to lose about 10lbs by May so that when we take a vacation (hoping Miami for the anniversary) or go to the beach, I am not sulking about all of the Girl Scout cookies I inhaled during the winter...

I recently purchased 5 yoga sessions at a place in Indy, and I am going to start my gym membership this week. Spring break will be a great time for me to get the ball rolling...I know I can do this because I did it before. I just need a strong dose of renewed will-power.

Other than eating constantly (LOL)...I think I have been doing a great job of making sure that I take some time out to take care of my own wellness, but I need to spend more time alone with God. The craziness of life has pulled me in so many directions, but I never should be too busy to build my relationship with Him. Spring break is about to be a week of refreshing for me I think. I need to polish/amend some behaviors ( :cough: portion control and snacking :cough:) and maybe start some new ones. I definitely need to start here.



Pumpkin slept in his big boy bed from 9PM until 4AM yesterday!!!

Running on "E"

First exam down. Two more to go, and then restful spring break bliss! All week I have felt like I am running on empty...Not having any rest last weekend is still having an effect on me :-/

We are so happy and thankful to be out of the old apartment. Every night we have sat down around the table together for dinner, and it is by far becoming my favorite part of the day. It's amazing how much you don't realize how much the little things like that can relax you at the end of a busy day... (I might have already mentioned this, if I have it's because I am A: exhausted and B: because I love it lol...)


The little one is going through a "phase". I would call it the infamous "Terrible Twos" but I am not going to speak that nonsense into existence. My mom thinks that he is just learning to use his voice, but I think it is a little more than that. Now, instead of the falling out tantrums (although, they still occur as well), he has decided to look us right in the eye and say "No! I don't want it!." The "it" he is referring to is usually with regards to when we tell him to stop doing something or that he has to do something. At first, I was excited to have him using his words but this got really old, fast.

On a cuter note, his favorite song right now is "Wheels on the Bus" we sing it on the way to school when he points out "big bus" - you don't realize how many you see in the morning until you have a toddler pointing them ALL out to you...lol And he is starting to recognize all of his own accomplishments by following them up with a "I did it!" - even if mom and dad end up helping him or doing most of the work (ex: when he watched his Da from the window finally get the Mustang up to our new garage he yelled: "I did it!"...LOL)

Busy, Busy Week

So last weekend was the big move!!!! Well, sort of. We only moved about a mile away from our old apartment, but we love our new home! It really is the perfect fit for us
:-)

Special shout out to the mother-in-law and sister-in-law for coming down from Michigan to keep our Pumpkin and helping us with the move. Also, special shout out to one of my classmates and neighbor for helping the Hubby move the big stuff. We definitely couldn't have done it without them. God is so good and we are so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends.

I have already done a lot of unpacking, but the bulk of my organizing will happen over spring break when I don't have to worry about school work. I am so ready for the warm weather to get here so Pumpkin can play outside in the yard and we can entertain guests!!!

In other news, I have a Physio quiz Thursday and the second exam block of the semester begins on Friday with Histology (then Physio on Tuesday and Micro on Friday). Because of the move I was unable to do anything related to school Friday through Sunday, which kind of stressed me out yesterday when I had to watch 6 lectures during the day. Since we don't have the internet yet at home, I decided to start my day at Starbucks which was a nice change of scenery (and expresso) and I ended it at the public library. Pumpkin was wired when he came home from school. I wasn't. And the Hubby fell asleep early because he is still getting over being sick and the fact that we pushed ourselves too hard this weekend with lack of sleep - I'm just going to ignore the tingle I feel building up in my throat :-/ no colds for me! But anyway, by 8PM I was beyond exhausted, but somehow I pressed through and was able to go to bed after making a respectable amount of headway in my histology studying...

Today, we are going to a retirement home to talk to men and women about the "older adult" stage of life. In this class (ICM) we discuss patient interactions and the various stages of life to better understand different perspectives. So far we have done visits to daycare, high school, and had a "middle aged" person talk to our group. We pretty much get to interview them about what life is like, their impressions on aging, what we should know about getting older, etc. This should be a little more interaction based than our trip to the daycare center where we watched kids play (I really wanted to do an "at-home" session and call it a day...lol).

I really like interacting with older people, and kids, and adults (at times) so I want to find a specialty that allows me to see everyone....

Below is a movie of Pumpkin and his cousin out having fun with his grandma and auntie while mommy and daddy were moving...They need to make one of these places for grown ups...