RE-Inspired.

​Last week I blogged for the first time in almost 6 months. It was definitely not an intentional hiatus, but the story behind it is long and too tiring to tell right now ;-) Summary: I have felt drained and "uninspired" to say the least.

I am on vacation (again) this week :insert praise dance: and the monumental tasks before me until January 16th are primarily work related - studying for Step 3 (no judgement please and thank you), Scheduling Chief loose ends, and working on my research. Then there is being a wife and a mom...

You know, the usual chaos...

I know it is how I’m wired, but in these rare moments I have a dramatic change in my life’s pace for the better, I don’t allow myself to rest until I know that I’ve done everything I should do.

But this time I am also going to prioritize my self preservation. I am going to "re-calibrate" as I continue moving towards the destination I set off on 10 years ago. I'm going back to Jasmine of 2010 and that "I don't have a choice, or a plan B, so I'm going to study for the MCAT with this baby on my book" hustle... 

We made it. 

Sunday night before bed, I was rapt in the buzz and historic significance of this year's Golden Globes. I know, I know, Step 3 procrastination at its finest, but still... 

If you haven’t already read about Oprah Winfrey’s speech, it was PHENOMENAL. If you have not watched it yet, watch it NOW: 

The next day The Internets were riding the President Oprah/Black Girl Magic wave and I was tagged in the following Instagram post from a fellow MD:

My parents immigrated here from Jamaica and with no doctors in my family, becoming a physician was a dream. Earning my MD has been a top accomplishment. Medical school was challenging and societal-perceptions in a male dominated world gave (and continue to give) a special nuance to my chosen profession (for me at least). 👩🏽‍⚕️. I wasn't prepared to hear: -"You're not smart enough" -"You don't look like a doctor" -"Where is the doctor?” -An expectation that I was not capable of performing above subpar -Frequently encountering patients who prefer to have a non-minority doctor. 👩🏽‍⚕️. I was not prepared for the fact that even with my white coat and badge (big old MD on it) people still assume I am not the physician. 👩🏽‍⚕️. For the up and coming women who face these challenges along with fear and doubt, I want you to know that if I can do it, you can too. You CAN defy the odds. Stand firm, keep your head high, believe in yourself and what you want. 👩🏽‍⚕️. I share this because while hanging out with @drlaurenpowell , we decided to tell our stories and encourage our fellow colleagues to share theirs about what it means to be a minority female in healthcare. So please post your story with a unique pic, using the tag #youngladywatching and share the love ❤️ by tagging someone else whos story needs to be heard! . #shareyourtruth #itcanhappen

A post shared by Dr.Kristamarie Collman MD (@docinmypark) on Jan 8, 2018 at 8:24am PST

It was the perfectly timed Instagram campaign, and I want to share my subsequent post with here too: 

At age 7, I decided I was going to be a doctor...

As the daughter of a surgeon, I saw it was hard work but I also saw the impact... As I got older, I realized what it would mean to also be a Black doctor... (Did you know only 4% of all doctors are Black?)  

I will never forget the story of my dad performing emergency surgery on a patient with swastikas tattooed all over their body. I then saw medicine as an unexpected olive branch. It was a way to break stereotypes AND walls, heal people physically AND mentally, and how I could add my piece to changing the world.  

This is an extreme example, but the implicit racism of day to day life can be overlooked. There are no words to describe the look a patient gives you when they are assessing your skin color and subsequently, your competency. It is a look I know too well. 

It makes you tired... 

But then there are also all the beaming faces when I introduce myself as "the doctor". The hugs from patients and their families when it's just us in the room. When they won't let me leave before saying "how proud" they are.  

It makes you push harder... 

I think about the women whose images I clung to when I felt like my plan of starting med school with a baby was impossible. 

It's one of the reasons why I started the blog.  

 

Because if you see it, you feel empowered to do it... 

White Coat Ceremony 2010

Match Day 2014

Hooded.

 For #theyoungladywatching...hang in there.  

This is so much bigger than you...  

Your story will be someone's motivation to keep going... 

Just. Keep. Going. 

God knew what I needed. Nothing gets you out of that "weary in well-doing" mindset than a little bit of reflection on how far you have come and a reminder of who is watching you... 

May we never allow ourselves to lose sight of this. And if we forget, here's to quickly getting re-inspired. 

xoxo