The Mrs. The Mommy. The M.D.: Love and Respect

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Love and Respect

Lots of snow today...normally I would say that I cannot wait for spring to be here, but I am trying to live in the moment this year and enjoy where I am without trying to rush, so I will just say that a warm climate residency location sounds appealing... ;-)

Nothing too interesting to report today, I am going to start working ahead on school work I guess so that I don't feel too much like a slacker.

Pumpkin is running this place per usual...He is getting kind of bossy though. When he wants you to play with him, he puts the toy in your hand and says "here! here!"....and don't try and put the toy down, not a happy camper....

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One topic that really doesn't get discussed on my blog too much is the matrimony part of my life. Part of it is because I'm not one to put all my "business" on the world wide web, so I try to err on the side of caution with very little info as possible - there are two parties involved so I don't want the Hubs to feel his privacy is violated. And also, because I feel like I know a lot more about being a mom than a wife, so I don't have as much "experience" to share regarding that topic...BUT, I will say I do have something to contribute. First of all, that marriage has proven to be harder than both motherhood and medical school combined (Yes, even for me, Superwoman...hehe). I know we all think of marriage as a couple running on the beach into each other's arms and walking into the sunset of love, but that is hardly the case...I think the recent divorce statistics can attest to that, unfortunately.

Imagine oil and water fall in love and trying to mix everything about them together, forever and ever = marriage :-) On the flip side, imagine finding your best friend, biggest supporter, the person you laugh the hardest with, the person whose shoulder you can cry on, tell your deepest secrets to without fear of being judged, build a family with, and the person that thinks you are the most beautiful woman/handsome man in the world all wrapped into one person = marriage. If done right and taken seriously, its like one of the most rewarding life experiences ever. Looking back on the past 8 months, there are quite a few things I have to pass on to those who jump the broom...

1. Let GOD be the head of your marriage. Your marriage should be a ministry to the world about Christ's love for the Church if people look at your marriage and it makes them not want to get married, then you got it all wrong...
2. How you communicate before the wedding will not magically change once you say your vows, so work on it.
3. EVERY couple can benefit from pre-marital counseling.
4. It is an inevitable fact that you and your spouse are a product of both of your parents. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does need to be acknowledged.
5. You should strive to make all decisions win-win. And "win-win" does not mean that everyone gets all of their requests, but requests are honored to find a happy median.
6. A little gratitude can go a long way.
7. Make respect a DAILY occurrence, ESPECIALLY when you are angry.
8. "Do not let the sun set on your anger." Ephesians 4:26
9. Don't let other people with bad marriages give you advice...find a marriage mentor and still take all advice as a grain of salt. Do what works for you guys.
10. Don't give up. The best marriages take time and work, but they also take mature people who are willing to acknowledge when they are wrong and do what they need to do to show their spouse that they care about their needs.


During break, I read an awesome book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs that I think is a powerful tool if you are brave enough to do it. The whole premise is that women require love and men require respect (men need love too and women need respect too, but both sexes require different primary needs). When a woman feels that she is not loved by her husband, she acts with disrespect towards him. When a man feels that he has been disrespected by his wife, he acts unloving towards her. This goes on and on. This is called the "Crazy Cycle". It discusses how to get out of this cycle into the reward cycle and a marriage that God intends for you to have. Very inspiring book. They also have a great Love and Respect blog...
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