Prayers for Newtown and Any Parent Who Has Lost a Child.

I have had no words since finding out what happened on Friday. Like most parents, I just keep thinking about my own beautiful baby and the unspeakable grief of the Newtown families. As a parent you do the best you can to give your kids the best life and opportunities you know how. It is so disheartening to think that even when you do everything in your power, someone can come and suddenly take all that away from you. It's not fair and it is so difficult for me to wrap my mind around this. My heart is so broken for every family touched by this tragedy.

Tonight I read this well written piece by the mother of a child with mental illness, and it immediately made me think about the children I interacted with during my inpatient psychiatry rotation. On one hand they were just kids, but without a moment's notice they could become both violent and extremely dangerous. I have no intention of making this a post about mental illness, but I know first hand that it is real. And it is terrifying because these children who are sick really have no options until they end up doing something worthy of going to jail - which houses the greatest portion of those mentally ill in this country.

No parent should have to bury their child. Be it from gang violence, sickness, or a horrendous, unimaginable massacre like what occurred on Friday. No parent should have to deal with this. Ever.

As the days following this tragic event continue to pass, I hope and pray that we start having some serious conversations about our country and all of the things that are so broken. Enough is enough. Something has got to change.

"When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge." Proverbs 14:32

To all those gone from this earth far too soon, rest in heavenly peace.

:::Taps Mic::: Is Anyone Still Here?

 My poor poor blog...

It's gotten harder and harder to sit down and write since starting Internal Medicine. I am at the hospital from 6:30AM-4PM 6 days a week with call until anywhere between 6 and 9PM on every fourth day. As soon as I get out the hospital, all I have time for is picking Natey up, dinner, making lunches for the next day, a shower, and then bed so I'm not tired the next day. I'm on Medicine for another month after this one and then I start my surgery block.

Today is my one day off this week, and I am up at 6:30AM with nowhere to go, so I guess it is time to blog :-) Instead of this being a post of me complaining venting about what is going on, I decided to take just give a quick summary of life right now... Just a warning, it probably will still come off as complaining lol...

I. AM. EXHAUSTED. Like I said, I am on Medicine right now. I am at the VA and our patient population is primarily older (60+ years old) men. Everyone is so nice at the VA, but I am realizing that I really miss inpatient medicine in pediatrics and I miss having women as patients... I guess the good thing is my next Medicine month is at the county hospital so I will probably have more variety patient-wise (no kids but probably a wider age spectrum and more women too). I am also really looking forward to my OB rotation in April. I have a good feeling about it :-)

At home I am struggling. This is the dark side about being a mom in medical school. I am feeling like school has taken over everything and I don't get to spend a fraction of the time I would want at home with my kid. I leave when he is sleeping in the morning and I get home two hours before he is in bed (if I am not on call). I am feeling really inadequate in the mommy AND wife department which is leaving me with a funky attitude when I step into the hospital to take care of other people when I need to be taking care of home... :sigh:

I feel really disconnected spiritually too. I haven't been to church in months and I am feeling super guilty about it. I know church isn't the only way to get close to God, but I am having a really hard time reading my Bible and devotionals consistently even when they are emailed to me...

I constantly feel like I am 10 steps behind where I need to be. I make lists for days to keep my time at home/the grocery store/etc focused. On a high note, I managed to get same day last minute appointments for my hair and brows this week and we are taking some Christmas card pictures today - although they may be Holiday Season cards depending on how soon I can get them in the mail. You don't appreciate normal business hours until you aren't able to get anything done during them...but "this, too shall pass." Right?

In other news, I am really excited about Christmas! I get 10 days off starting on the 21st (AFTER call -___-)  and I cannot wait to catch up around the house and visit with family and friends!

Hope you all are well! If you have any tips for relieving stress (preferably things that can be done in the car) or prayers for stress please send them my way! 

Reflecting on My Clerkship Experience: Neurology

From the AAMC Careers in Medicine Clinical Evaluation 

1. Name and Location of Clinical Rotation: 

• Inpatient Pediatric Neurology at Riley Children's Hospital - 2 weeks 
• Outpatient Adult & Pediatric Neurology at Wishard Hospital Sub-specialty Clinic, Riley, and the VA - 2 weeks

2. What did I like most about this specialty? 

Neurology has always been of interest to me. I was really excited to learn about seizure disorders and many of the neurological conditions that affect children. In addition, on the adult side of things, it was so interesting to learn first hand about movement disorders, memory disorders, and many other conditions I had only read about previously. 

3. What did I like least about this specialty?

As with my previous experiences, I did not like the not-so-happy side of the specialty. A lot of neurologic conditions do not have such a great prognosis and it was hard to see patients grapple with that. 

4. Did this clinical rotation give me a good sense of what practice in this specialty would be like? 

Yes, I am so happy I got to experience adult, pediatric, inpatient, and outpatient neurology. I was able to gauge where I felt I would find my best fit within the specialty.

5. Did my interests, values, skills and/or personality "fit" with this specialty? If yes, in what way did they "fit"? If no, why might they not be compatible? 

Yes, I do think I would fit well in the neurology community. In particular, I think that I have a gentle demeanor to help parents through the difficult time of having their child in the hospital. Also, I am good at talking with patients about more than just their disease - neurologic conditions crossover into many different facets of a person's life - such as family dynamics, work, and mental health. 

6. What are the possible practice settings for specialists in this field? Which of these settings interest me and do I know enough about them? 

• Hospital
• Clinic
• Academic 

7. What information do I still need to find out about this specialty? 

I would like to know more about hours worked by the attending physicians. My biggest concern is compatibility of neurology with family life and being a wife and mother (my first and most important job...).

8. Has my perception of this specialty changed based on my clinical rotation experience? 

No, I went into the specialty open-minded and I really enjoyed my experience.

9. Did my clinical rotation experience influence the likelihood of choosing a career in this specialty? If yes, how did it influence me? 

Yes, neurology is definitely on my list of possibilities!

10. Right now, on a scale of 1-10, how interested am I in this specialty as a career option? 7

11. Other comments or reflections about this rotation or specialty: 

Overall I thought that this rotation was a great learning experience! All of the residents and faculty were very helpful and willing to teach. I could tell that everyone really loved what they did. Also, IUSM has some of the most reputable neurology faculty which makes post-graduate training here some of the greatest in the country. Super impressive!

Music Monday

Hope you all had a great weekend and here's to an awesome week!!!

Reflecting on My Clerkship Experience: Psychiatry

From the AAMC Careers in Medicine Clinical Evaluation 

1. Name and Location of Clinical Rotation: 

• Inpatient Psychiatry at LaRue Carter Memorial Hospital 
• Outpatient at the IU Health Neuroscience Center

2. What did I like most about this specialty? 
It was unlike anything I have experienced before. Very eye-opening on the reality of debilitating mental illness... It was fascinating to see how various illness effect the most basic characteristics of thought and personality.

I was assigned to the child unit, and I really enjoyed spending time with and getting to know the kids. A lot of child psychiatry involves talking during play and we had a lot of fun with them :-)  

3. What did I like least about this specialty?
One of my first tasks was to read up on the children I would be following during my clerkship. The resiliency of these kids was amazing but the trauma that they were exposed to was tragic and that was one of the hardest parts of beginning this service. But as you got to know them, you realized that somewhere amidst all the psychiatric issues was a kid just like any other kid you would meet. 

4. Did this clinical rotation give me a good sense of what practice in this specialty would be like? 

Yes, I think that I got a pretty good idea of what it would be like to practice both inpatient and outpatient psychiatry.

My inpatient preceptor is also the Chief Medical Officer of LaRue Carter so she (yes, SHE, girl power! woot!) was very busy and had great insight not only on the medicine side of things but also the business side of things too. She took a lot of time with us teaching and making what we read and saw relevant and applicable even if we were not considering a career in psychiatry.

When I spent time in the outpatient clinic, I got a pretty good exposure to managing "bread and butter psychiatry" i.e. depression, anxiety, ADHD, and even OCD. It was all VERY interesting.

5. Did my interests, values, skills and/or personality "fit" with this specialty? If yes, in what way did they "fit"? If no, why might they not be compatible? 
I think that my personality and demeanor would be a good fit for psychiatry because as you may have figured by now, talking it out is my specialty... Psychiatry is so interesting and you learn so much about how a person processes information - which can lead to positive or negative behaviors - just by having a conversation with them. 

6. What are the possible practice settings for specialists in this field? Which of these settings interest me and do I know enough about them? 

Inpatient
Outpatient
Academic
Administrative
Forensic

I know inpatient psychiatry would not be for me, but outpatient reminded me a lot like my psychiatry exposure during family medicine and I enjoyed that part.

7. What information do I still need to find out about this specialty? 

I think I have a pretty good background.

8. Has my perception of this specialty changed based on my clinical rotation experience? 

Yes, definitely!

9. Did my clinical rotation experience influence the likelihood of choosing a career in this specialty? If yes, how did it influence me? 

I do not think it made me want to choose a career in psychiatry, but it was a GREAT experience.

10. Right now, on a scale of 1-10, how interested am I in this specialty as a career option? 4

11. Other comments or reflections about this rotation or specialty: 

• Depression is one of the most prevalent AND under-diagnosed illness. If you or anyone you know if suffering from symptoms of depression, please encourage them to seek help. 
• One in four adults suffer a mental health condition in a given year. One in 17 live with a serious mental illness like schizophrenia, major depression, or bipolar disorder. 
• About 1 in 10 children live with a serious mental or emotional disorder. 
• The largest current provider of mental health services are the nation's prisons. 21% of local jail and 24% of state prisoners have a history of mental illness. 
• Many people with schizophrenia comprise a large portion of the homeless population. This is referred to as "downward drift" - the hypothesis that those with mental illness are unable to maintain financial stability in society via gainful employment, education, etc. 
• In addition to the HUGE stigma associated with mental illness, psychiatrists are declining in numbers comparable to the amount of people that need their help. 

Despite the disheartening facts, there are awesome organizations like NAMI who advocate for those touched by mental illness with the hopes of making resources available to all those who need them. 

*Information taken from the NAMI fact sheet.